How Much is a Black Man Worth in the New Millennium?

Kris says:

Sometimes I feel like the value of a black man in society is like watching the stock market - sometimes the stock is up, sometimes it is down. Either way, somebody is profiting off of the stock…

This society has endemically placed a dollar value on blacks – as much as this society has advanced and pushed forward into advancement, on some level slavery mentality has not completely disappeared. The Sean Bell case proves that – and on some level the verdict should have sent a message into the gut of most people who have not yet been convinced that racism still exists. As much as people may say that the verdict came out the right way, I strongly believe otherwise – that on some level there is a natural revulsion of the idea of a man being shot that many times, and a judge could excuse the police officers for doing it.

Black men are consistently persecuted in society and the question is – what if the situation were reversed. What if it were rich white boys being persecuted and punished for being rich and white? What if Sean Bell were a rich and white male, about to be married to his fiancé and has a child? The answer is close to obvious – the lens through which the judge may have seen the whole situation (considering the heat he would have received for allowing two black cops to shoot a white man) would have drastically changed. The only people that he would upset if he let the cops off the hook would be black people – and what does he truly have to lose if the majority doesn’t care? As harsh as this sounds, I truly do believe this is the reality we live in. And I’m not saying anything radical here. These very thoughts have already been expressed in various forms throughout society.

The most intriguing aspect of this verdict, however, is the timing – we are in the middle of a presidential race in which there is a very strong likelihood that a black man may be able to become a President. (As mixed as Obama may be, he is still black [the “one drop” rule applies in this country]). The juxtaposition is uncanny – and very disturbing. From my perspective I think society is somewhat bipolar when it comes to black men – sometimes they are great, sometimes they are bad. And on some level, Obama has mysteriously been able to get Americans to see past his race and observe who he is – his charm, his intelligence, his experience, his - Obama-ness. I can guarantee most people didn’t even inquire into what Sean Bell did for a living – or what his little girl’s name is. Is this due to a class difference – elite versus non-elite within a black man spectrum? Perhaps Obama’s class status has “whitened” him enough so that he is not as black as he would be sans Ivy-League creds. Just food for thought.

As radical as this posting may appear, the whole point of me writing this is not to stir up debate. It is to encourage open-mindedness to the issues going on in this world. How much longer will we choose to ignore hate? How much longer are we willing to push off tomorrow what we can do today in terms of continuing Martin Luther King’s dream?

What Is Important to You?

Kwan:

I was once told by one of my mentors something that made me reevaluate how i see my success in life. Tell me what you think.

"The most important thing I will ever do in my life is to be a good husband to my wife. The second most important thing I will do in my life will be a great father to my children."

This comment made me think. How about you?

This comment brings into question the definitions of the words "Husband" and "Father."

I'll post more on this tomorrow!

The Jealousy Quotient: Jealousy against Black Women

Kristin writes:
American media and society in general suggests that we should worship the white American female ideal - which usually comes in the form of Caucasian, slender, blonde, and hopefully packed with a small nose, "Giselle" behind and big or "sizeable" breasts. Now if you ask if women from other races perhaps fit into that ideal, the direct answer is "no!" - and they don't - when you consider the type of model and actresses that are most highly sought and worshipped by Hollywood today. But other races are trickling in and are being considered beautiful by American society - finally. Women like Selma Hayek, Tyra Banks, Halle Berry, Vanessa Williams are considered incredibly attractive (although one could make an argument about how each one fits the "white model of beauty" on some level).

Now consider how black women are viewed overall in society - and "attractive" is not usually one of the first words that come to mind. Usually somebody will be quick to point out that they are loud, obnoxious, weave-wearing, baby-mamas, gold-diggers, booty-shaker, jezebel types. And for those who consider the "educated" black female, Omarosa (from "The Apprentice") seems to be triggered in the average mind and the natural reaction is to freeze up and freak out at the very thought of working with a woman - a black woman - like her.

Now, let's consider jealousy against black women. This is a topic that very few people would dare bringing up, simply because it is simply taboo to admit that society on some level worships the black female body. And not only that, but when an attractive black woman walks down the street - pretty much every man (black, white, asian, etc.) will notice her because - SHOCK - they are men and their lower-halves don't care about stereotypes when it comes to sexual attraction. And sexual attraction doesn't truly know race or discrimination - but it knows beauty.

I'll take you deeper into this topic now - and I know that this is truly taboo but I'm going to mention it anyway because it happens everyday but it has never entered everyday discourse. Consider this scenario: a Tyra Banks type (yes, Tyra Banks types do exist out there - she's unique but not that unique) walks into a bathroom and looks in the mirror, adjusting her makeup (perhaps to reapply some lip gloss). Next walks in a blonde girl - about the same figure (but less curvacious), and relatively attractive. What is going to happen?

Now first off, I give it a 95% chance that the white woman will flick her hair to establish her "hair superiority" within the context of this public bathroom. (Yes, I have officially exposed that incredibly strange phenomenon). But what if the black woman has similar hair (straight, silky, etc. - either relaxed or naturally like that?) or is rocking some amazing natural do? The hair flick defense at this point dissipates into thin air. (And please note: not all black women are dependent on weaves to have a rocking hair style. And please note again: women of other races wear weaves as well but society won't question their extensions as much because they should naturally have the genes to produce the hair. Well perhaps they do - and *shock* - so do black women.)

I can guarantee you that often white women in that position become threatened by another attractive woman looking in the public mirror - but even more threatened when it's a attractive black woman. Why? Well, consider how white men get threatened by black men and the stereotype that black men are supposed to "naturally skilled in the art of intimacy" - to say the least. Or that black men are just superior at certain sports. When it comes to the sport of beauty, white women do want to claim that they have indeed won - until a competitor from another race stands her ground and can declare that yes, she is beautiful and that yes, she can stand there and compete on the some level and yes, perhaps beat her at her own beauty game. And for those who are skeptical about this, consider the new standards of beauty out there - bigger butts, lips, boobs and darker tans are considered attractive. Coincidence? I think not.

(Please note: I have nothing against white women - nor do I believe that a woman of any particular race is the best looking, etc. I acknowledge beauty in *people* - not *races." As an anthropology major at Harvard, I have pretty much dismissed the concept of race as a societal construct meant to suppress people, but I nevertheless use it here for the sake of colloquial dialogue/discussion.)

Now, if you think that I am not talking from experience in this blog - guess again. So many women are the subject of these silly beauty battles or "who's cuter" comparisons and to be honest - it's ridiculous. I strongly suggest that media stop subtly suggesting that certain groups are aesthetically more beautiful than others and move on to bigger and better things - a celebration of beauty in all forms. In consideration of the context of this blog: there are millions of black women of all shades who wear their beauty proudly and they are truly admired for intense exoticism/beauty/basic attractiveness/sexuality - everything under the sun. You just don't see them in the media (shock again!).

So black women - wear your beauty proudly. You are truly envied - but taught to forget its power for the sake of lifting up an unrealistic standard of women in the "racial majority".

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Kwan says:

In response to Amy’s comment, “The straight haired Black Woman is immediately thrown into the sexy, hot & beautiful category. The natural haired Black woman is not deemed as hot & sexy but more average looking, studious, possibly a feminist type.”

I personally don’t think sisters with natural hair get tossed out of the hot & beautiful category. I personally believe it is the caliber of black man that is out there right now in pursuit of black women. Some brothers lump natural sisters into a group of successful and independent, and the hair is a bold statement of that independence. In other words, some weak-minded brothers are just intimidated by what they see. Some of us are afraid of the very same strong woman that we’ve been asking for to compliment us. Every black man wants a strong, intelligent, and faithful woman to stand by his side. The problem is many of us equate that strength with a bad attitude. I’m sorry, but no man wants a woman who doesn’t know what it means to be sweet.

Where am I going with this? Often times we see that natural sisters as being militant or we assume that her bold hair statement is also accompanied by a bold and brash attitude. Yeah, I know it is stereotyping like crazy but it’s true – not only for women going natural but for black women period. I don’t know how many times I’ve met brothers with white women who said that the sisters they had been with just had funky attitudes. Am I justifying their reasoning for going to a white woman? No, because in my opinion a woman is a woman – no matter what. Skin color and funky attitudes cross color lines very easily. I’m just saying that there are a select few brothers that assume that with your natural beauty comes a natural bad attitude. These brothers are in the minority.

So let’s talk about another minority. At the same time some brothers believe that natural sisters have stank attitudes to go with their strength; there are other brothers who are just afraid of strong women. Some men fear the independence and success of a strong woman. They feel that a woman who is in any way more successful than them will belittle them and outshine them. It’s cowardice in my opinion but it’s the truth. A lot of us feel like a successful woman will throw our faults back in our faces and remind us of status in life. She may not do it directly but her success in areas of academia or corporate America will remind a weak man of his shortcomings. Whereas on the other hand a strong brother will embrace his woman’s lot in life and use it as fuel to go further and make his dreams come true while embracing those of his queen.

Now Amy commented on the majority of black men. The brothers who buy into media impressions of black women that say fair skin and straight hair are beautiful. I don’t think that a lot of brothers actually buy into that mentality - I believe it’s just that their egos get in the way of better judgment. The ego of a black man will make him do some stupid things, like not go for a woman that he believes is beautiful just because he’s silently afraid of what his peers will say. Yes I said it. Some people just don’t want to be different. So they go with the false standard of beauty and settle for being unhappy rather than going with what they find to be beautiful themselves and accepting happiness where it is.

In the end - and I hate to say it - but some brothers are just not ready for real, strong black women. Be that woman curvy with natural hair, thin with a bald head, or heavy with straight hair - we’re just not ready. As for me, I love what God has blessed me with and appreciate her with every fiber of my being: a strong, beautiful, successful, and intelligent Black Woman.

What's Your Oreo Status?

Kris writes:

When I ask "what's your oreo status," I'm not asking if you happen to have oreos in your kitchen cupboard. Nope - I'm going deeper on this one. When I ask this question, I'm asking: To what degree are you black on the outside and white on the inside? And is this even a legit question? What does it mean to be black on the outside and white on the inside?

A lot of blacks get accused of being "Oreos," and it's quite intriguing. These "Carlton-esque" types (think "Fresh Prince") are considered as contrary to the norm because on some level, they remind people of what is considered "white culture" or "white standards" and yet, on the outside, happen to be black. To speak "white" for example is to not speak "black", for example - to speak articulately and without any usage of ebonics/broken English. Studying and doing well in school can also wind you up in Oreo category - as if studying and learning is so culturally white that you may as well just forget about studying and do something else if you want to maintain the true essence of blackness and remain cool among your peers.

Now...I have sympathy for Oreos. It is harder to be an Oreo in American society because they are fighting the multitude of stereotypes held against black Americans. Why bother risk being viewed as an Oreo and possible alienation by your peers?

I grew up as an "oreo" but I didn't necessarily have what most people consider the "typical black American" growing up experience - my family is from the Caribbean and I grew up in a predominately privileged white suburb, so I wasn't as much of an "other" to my peers because techically, we were mostly all "culturally white" - whether or not you were racially white. But I do believe my personality and my growing up experience would have been different if I grew up in a predominately black American environment, for example, which was not as economically privileged and more prone to critique me if exhibited "Carlton" characteristics.

Every now and again I am reminded of my Carlton status though - but I find that white Americans are more likely to bring it to my attention as I grow older. I usually tend to get the "Wow, you are so articulate" comment - as if somehow being black automatically means that I cannot form a grammatically correct sentence in my head. And I have to admit - the moment I meet someone who has the audacity to suggest something like this - I tend to automatically put them in the "ignorant" category in my head because I find it somewhat esoteric that they are shocked by the existence of an articulate black person, considering the growing amount of black politicians and media moguls that clearly defy the stereotypes out there. Now I just laugh it off, but it is still amusing to see someone get confused when they hear me talking on the cell phone and wonder how my voice is associated with caramel-complexion skin.

Yet, I don't think that my existence makes them rethink their stereotypes of black Americans - I, to many of them, am the exception - just like Condoleeza Rice, Colin Powell, and Barack Obama appear to be the "black exception" within the political arena. Clearly such "stereotypers" are not aware of the growing numbers of Oreos my age and younger who are about to burst forth onto the professional scene. I hope they don't get too overwhelmed by cookie overload.

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Kwan writes:

Yes, it is amazing that we as a people can be prejudiced against our own race. For example: if i chose, as a black man, not to dress as though i'm a rapper it is automatically assumed that I'm stuck up, a "sell-out," or gay. The same thing applies to those of us who excel in corporate America and live in more affluent neighborhoods - we are often viewed as Uncle Toms.

To some extent one could assume that its just jealousy from someone who has not made it to where you are in life. But on the hand, i personally believe there is more to it than just plain jealousy.

As children we are given poor examples of success within the media. I remember growing up watching shows (like "Cribs") which glorify the success of rappers and actors. Also while hanging out with my older brother i remember seeing the drug dealers ride by in nice cars and wearing the best clothes. I remember how "cool" my friends and i thought they were. We knew what the drugs dealers did in order to get the money they so easily flaunted and it seemed easy. The same applied to the rappers and athletes we saw on "Cribs". It was the only way out of where we lived from what we could see.

Now anyone can see the problem with this when you're reading it on paper. But the real problem was the fact that many of our parents reinforced the very same stereotypes. They pushed athletics on us and glorified the foolishness of some rappers. Not by directly saying the things they rapped about were true but by listening to it and singing the songs that glorified hustling. Some parents also reinforced the foolishness by dressing us just like the rappers they silently admired. How many times have any of us seen 2 year-old boys with earrings in their ears. In addition to this have heard a toddler singing songs like "I'm So Hood" while their parents egged them on becuase they felt it was cute.

On the other hand, the select few of us that grew up with a different outlook on life, those of us considered "Oreos" or "Zebras", often times had different upbringings. For example, although my mom worked and went to school while i was in school, my great-grandmother and grandmother stayed on me consistently about my grades and the way i dressed. Education was stressed and i was exposed to successful blacks. Even on the one occasion when i was thrown out of school for fighting because someone called me a "wigga" (try figuring that one out), my granny beat my behind and explained to me that some people say things because they believe the only way to live is the way that everyone around them lives. It's a lack of knowledge and a the fear of anything seen as different. We see it with racism on both sides of the coin and we see with prejudice within our own race. I personally feel that this prejudice is either directly taught or indirectly taught at home. So it starts with those of us who are parents to begin the paradigm shift within our families and our communities.

It takes a village to raise a child!

Change

(Painting by WAK [Kenneth A. Williams])

Kwan writes:

Change!!!! The thing my community asks for so often, but never achieves. I've examined this thing - "change" - and realize that change. Real change starts within our community first. Not with the government - a body that we depend on, yet often fails us in our time of need. It starts with us. Change starts with us holding ourselves accountable for the actions of those in our community that give us all a bad name. Also it starts with us teaching our babies girls that they are more than objects that deserve to have dollars tossed at them. Not just with words but with deeds. It's time to start telling our babies that they are beautiful and precious beyond compare. So when we loose them into the world, they won’t be trapped by the flattering words of men that want to objectify them as play things.

No more should our baby boys have to get their ideas of manhood from music videos and old gangsta movies. We need to teach them, from the time of birth, that their job as men is to be the head and not the tail, above only, and not beneath. They must lead as our forefathers did - with integrity, honor and compassion. Not only this, but they must be to women as Christ is to the church (fearless leader, protector, provider, and ultimate servant). Our boys need to know that their manhood is not based on the head in the pants, but the one on their shoulders.
No longer is it acceptable for our boys to drop out of school, hang on the corners, or hustle just to make ends meet. It’s time for us all to take up the mantle of MLK, Malcolm, and Garvey and begin to dominate in a way that we are all 100% capable. College can no longer be the rarity among us but the status quo. If we are to rise up from being 13% of the population yet 80% of the prison population then we must become 80% of the educated and 13% of the population. Time for a reality check and it starts with us. With me. Black men: It is time for us to man up. Our babies shouldn't die by our hands.
In memory of all the babies that died this year due to senseless violence.

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Kris writes:

I agree with you, Kwan. I have to ask: what happened to the feeling of black power and a strong sense of pride among black Americans? Yes, we are proud to be black and beautiful, but I am confused by the state of black America today and why we are not farther along than we are now. As a first-generation black American (the fam's from the Caribbean), I am very proud to be American and feel blessed to have the opportunities that I have, and yet I look around and sometimes wonder why more blacks are not present in higher levels of academia and the professional world. Some people make ridiculous arguments that most blacks are not capable of succeeding - and such uninformed opinions do not even deserve a response. Do I have to point out the multitude of black men and women that have succeeded in business, political, medical, legal, and academic professions? Must I point out the black media moguls and the internet wiz-kids that have become so successful and worthy of major applause? Open any copy of Black Enterprise and I believe your "typical American" would be surprised to see black people in positions of power - these wonderful men and women are the epitomy of the change that Black America has fought and died for, and they stand contrary to the stereotypes of blacks in the media and also illuminate the beauty of change - that people are making it out of underprivileged backgrounds and others are taking advantage of privileged backgrounds and making their presence known in the professional market.

And yet, more change needs to happen. As happy as I am to see more blacks in college these days, I see a strange lack of black men on campuses - where are they??? I notice that there must be few blacks in position of power within the media - otherwise we would not be witnessing the continuation of "blackface" on popular networks such as BET and MTV, new millenium style. Black America needs to push forward and continue to change - I think we've reached a standstill and we need to push over that plateau into better conditions in order to revamp the realities that have plagued the daily lives of black men and women in communities all over this nation.