The Jealousy Quotient: Jealousy against Black Women

Kristin writes:
American media and society in general suggests that we should worship the white American female ideal - which usually comes in the form of Caucasian, slender, blonde, and hopefully packed with a small nose, "Giselle" behind and big or "sizeable" breasts. Now if you ask if women from other races perhaps fit into that ideal, the direct answer is "no!" - and they don't - when you consider the type of model and actresses that are most highly sought and worshipped by Hollywood today. But other races are trickling in and are being considered beautiful by American society - finally. Women like Selma Hayek, Tyra Banks, Halle Berry, Vanessa Williams are considered incredibly attractive (although one could make an argument about how each one fits the "white model of beauty" on some level).

Now consider how black women are viewed overall in society - and "attractive" is not usually one of the first words that come to mind. Usually somebody will be quick to point out that they are loud, obnoxious, weave-wearing, baby-mamas, gold-diggers, booty-shaker, jezebel types. And for those who consider the "educated" black female, Omarosa (from "The Apprentice") seems to be triggered in the average mind and the natural reaction is to freeze up and freak out at the very thought of working with a woman - a black woman - like her.

Now, let's consider jealousy against black women. This is a topic that very few people would dare bringing up, simply because it is simply taboo to admit that society on some level worships the black female body. And not only that, but when an attractive black woman walks down the street - pretty much every man (black, white, asian, etc.) will notice her because - SHOCK - they are men and their lower-halves don't care about stereotypes when it comes to sexual attraction. And sexual attraction doesn't truly know race or discrimination - but it knows beauty.

I'll take you deeper into this topic now - and I know that this is truly taboo but I'm going to mention it anyway because it happens everyday but it has never entered everyday discourse. Consider this scenario: a Tyra Banks type (yes, Tyra Banks types do exist out there - she's unique but not that unique) walks into a bathroom and looks in the mirror, adjusting her makeup (perhaps to reapply some lip gloss). Next walks in a blonde girl - about the same figure (but less curvacious), and relatively attractive. What is going to happen?

Now first off, I give it a 95% chance that the white woman will flick her hair to establish her "hair superiority" within the context of this public bathroom. (Yes, I have officially exposed that incredibly strange phenomenon). But what if the black woman has similar hair (straight, silky, etc. - either relaxed or naturally like that?) or is rocking some amazing natural do? The hair flick defense at this point dissipates into thin air. (And please note: not all black women are dependent on weaves to have a rocking hair style. And please note again: women of other races wear weaves as well but society won't question their extensions as much because they should naturally have the genes to produce the hair. Well perhaps they do - and *shock* - so do black women.)

I can guarantee you that often white women in that position become threatened by another attractive woman looking in the public mirror - but even more threatened when it's a attractive black woman. Why? Well, consider how white men get threatened by black men and the stereotype that black men are supposed to "naturally skilled in the art of intimacy" - to say the least. Or that black men are just superior at certain sports. When it comes to the sport of beauty, white women do want to claim that they have indeed won - until a competitor from another race stands her ground and can declare that yes, she is beautiful and that yes, she can stand there and compete on the some level and yes, perhaps beat her at her own beauty game. And for those who are skeptical about this, consider the new standards of beauty out there - bigger butts, lips, boobs and darker tans are considered attractive. Coincidence? I think not.

(Please note: I have nothing against white women - nor do I believe that a woman of any particular race is the best looking, etc. I acknowledge beauty in *people* - not *races." As an anthropology major at Harvard, I have pretty much dismissed the concept of race as a societal construct meant to suppress people, but I nevertheless use it here for the sake of colloquial dialogue/discussion.)

Now, if you think that I am not talking from experience in this blog - guess again. So many women are the subject of these silly beauty battles or "who's cuter" comparisons and to be honest - it's ridiculous. I strongly suggest that media stop subtly suggesting that certain groups are aesthetically more beautiful than others and move on to bigger and better things - a celebration of beauty in all forms. In consideration of the context of this blog: there are millions of black women of all shades who wear their beauty proudly and they are truly admired for intense exoticism/beauty/basic attractiveness/sexuality - everything under the sun. You just don't see them in the media (shock again!).

So black women - wear your beauty proudly. You are truly envied - but taught to forget its power for the sake of lifting up an unrealistic standard of women in the "racial majority".

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Kwan says:

In response to Amy’s comment, “The straight haired Black Woman is immediately thrown into the sexy, hot & beautiful category. The natural haired Black woman is not deemed as hot & sexy but more average looking, studious, possibly a feminist type.”

I personally don’t think sisters with natural hair get tossed out of the hot & beautiful category. I personally believe it is the caliber of black man that is out there right now in pursuit of black women. Some brothers lump natural sisters into a group of successful and independent, and the hair is a bold statement of that independence. In other words, some weak-minded brothers are just intimidated by what they see. Some of us are afraid of the very same strong woman that we’ve been asking for to compliment us. Every black man wants a strong, intelligent, and faithful woman to stand by his side. The problem is many of us equate that strength with a bad attitude. I’m sorry, but no man wants a woman who doesn’t know what it means to be sweet.

Where am I going with this? Often times we see that natural sisters as being militant or we assume that her bold hair statement is also accompanied by a bold and brash attitude. Yeah, I know it is stereotyping like crazy but it’s true – not only for women going natural but for black women period. I don’t know how many times I’ve met brothers with white women who said that the sisters they had been with just had funky attitudes. Am I justifying their reasoning for going to a white woman? No, because in my opinion a woman is a woman – no matter what. Skin color and funky attitudes cross color lines very easily. I’m just saying that there are a select few brothers that assume that with your natural beauty comes a natural bad attitude. These brothers are in the minority.

So let’s talk about another minority. At the same time some brothers believe that natural sisters have stank attitudes to go with their strength; there are other brothers who are just afraid of strong women. Some men fear the independence and success of a strong woman. They feel that a woman who is in any way more successful than them will belittle them and outshine them. It’s cowardice in my opinion but it’s the truth. A lot of us feel like a successful woman will throw our faults back in our faces and remind us of status in life. She may not do it directly but her success in areas of academia or corporate America will remind a weak man of his shortcomings. Whereas on the other hand a strong brother will embrace his woman’s lot in life and use it as fuel to go further and make his dreams come true while embracing those of his queen.

Now Amy commented on the majority of black men. The brothers who buy into media impressions of black women that say fair skin and straight hair are beautiful. I don’t think that a lot of brothers actually buy into that mentality - I believe it’s just that their egos get in the way of better judgment. The ego of a black man will make him do some stupid things, like not go for a woman that he believes is beautiful just because he’s silently afraid of what his peers will say. Yes I said it. Some people just don’t want to be different. So they go with the false standard of beauty and settle for being unhappy rather than going with what they find to be beautiful themselves and accepting happiness where it is.

In the end - and I hate to say it - but some brothers are just not ready for real, strong black women. Be that woman curvy with natural hair, thin with a bald head, or heavy with straight hair - we’re just not ready. As for me, I love what God has blessed me with and appreciate her with every fiber of my being: a strong, beautiful, successful, and intelligent Black Woman.